Tomorrow the rhythm will change as I head back to work. I'll be working a day and a half a week, which I think will be just about perfect for me. It will allow me to continue to do college ministry, which I love, as well as spend gobs of time at home with Laurel, which I also love.
I don't know what this year will hold. One friend told me that he didn't think I could do campus ministry for a day and a half a week--ministry is way too relational to only be around a couple days. Perhaps after this year I'll end up agreeing. Other people ask me, as if it would be an insurmountable task, what I will do with Laurel when I'm at work. Maybe after this year I'll conclude that it's too complicated to coordinate all of that.
Or maybe it really will be just right.
On Sunday someone I had just met told me it's good that I am only working part-time because I need to take care of my family "properly." It was followed by the comment, "God gave you a family, you need to take care of them properly." Apparently "proper" care of ones family, if that "one" is a woman, means staying home. I responded with something like, "Well, it's a partnership, and my husband and I both need to care for our family."
It reminded me of comments I heard this past winter, in the middle of my angst over what to do about work. These comments weren't directed at me, but the basic idea is this: "Anyone can be a ________ (teacher, accountant, nurse, lawyer), but you're the only person who can be your child's mom." The conclusion we are meant to draw, of course, is that to be our children's moms, we need to stay home.
Why doesn't anyone say that to the dads? "Anyone can be a ___________, but you're the only one who can be your child's dad."
I don't think that being Laurel's mom means that all of my other callings in life are erased. I want Laurel to grow up watching me, as her mom, live out my gifts and my callings. I hope that as I seek to be obedient to where I think God is calling me, that she will learn to listen for God's voice in her life, too.
4 comments:
Julianne, welcome back! And thanks for sharing these thoughts. Anthony and I were reflecting this past week about the 13 years he's been a full-time stay at home parent, home-maker, and teacher to our daughter. There was a lot of pressure on him NOT to quit his paid teaching job, and a lot of confusion and dismay that he would stay at home indefinitely; in fact, some people insisted for the first few years that he was just 'on leave'. Comments about how he was depriving the broader community of his gifts and presence occurred regularly. Yet if I had been the one to stay home full-time (or even part-time, which is what I did the first five years of Teresa's life), nobody (except my mom), not even colleagues who claim to be feminists, would have questioned or protested (at least not very much). Is it really the case that my gifts were of less value to the broader community than his? Is it really true that I would have parented our daughter more effectively than he did? I say the answer to both questions is a resounding "no!" In fact, despite wanting to do a great job, I would have been a frustrated, impatient, and far less effective stay-at-home parent. Anthony was contented, creative, and effective as a homemaker and parent. His relationship with Teresa remains a beautiful thing to behold...and so is MY relationship with Teresa.
Enough venting. Thanks again for sharing such resonant thoughts!
Julianne, welcome back! And thanks for sharing these thoughts. Anthony and I were reflecting this past week about the 13 years he's been a full-time stay at home parent, home-maker, and teacher to our daughter. There was a lot of pressure on him NOT to quit his paid teaching job, and a lot of confusion and dismay that he would stay at home indefinitely; in fact, some people insisted for the first few years that he was just 'on leave'. Comments about how he was depriving the broader community of his gifts and presence occurred regularly. Yet if I had been the one to stay home full-time (or even part-time, which is what I did the first five years of Teresa's life), nobody (except my mom), not even colleagues who claim to be feminists, would have questioned or protested (at least not very much). Is it really the case that my gifts were of less value to the broader community than his? Is it really true that I would have parented our daughter more effectively than he did? I say the answer to both questions is a resounding "no!" In fact, despite wanting to do a great job, I would have been a frustrated, impatient, and far less effective stay-at-home parent. Anthony was contented, creative, and effective as a homemaker and parent. His relationship with Teresa remains a beautiful thing to behold...and so is MY relationship with Teresa.
Enough venting. Thanks again for sharing such resonant thoughts!
Just a little comment...nothing has bothered my husband and myself as much as when he is questioned as to why he is 'babysitting' his own kids. Hello...!!!
I can't believe it's been over a year.
Laurel is lucky. Those college students are lucky. And YOU are lucky - to get both.
Love you.
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