First and Only Wife

Last night we stumbled across a t.v. show that is, apparently, in its second season. Perhaps you've already seen it. It's called Big Love, and it's the story of a man with three wives.
Two and a half years ago, my college sociology prof wrote on his blog his thoughts about polygamy, arguing that legalizing polygamy would be the big cultural issue of 2020.
Less than three years later, there is already a sit-com that seems to be attempting to normalize polygamy.

I have only watched this show once, so perhaps I shouldn't comment on it. But I'm going to.

They seem to be setting up "good," "normal" polygamy against "bad" "cult-like" polygamy. The people on the show who live in a compound and blindly follow the prophet are portrayed as out of touch with reality, strange, and backwards. The people who live in the suburbs and practice polygamy are just like us--they are caring parents, business people, and engaged citizens. Their kids have ipods and dress like other teenagers. We are supposed to sympathize with this family with many wives, but we are not supposed to sympathize with the polygamists on the compound.

I find the show interesting not just because it seems to be trying to normalize a certain type of polygamy, but also because there are so many relational dynamics portrayed.

I can see reason for practicing polygamy in societies where women are considered less than human--where to be unmarried is to be unable to survive. (I think that might be what was going on in the Old Testament). But I can't see why it would be a good idea in a culture like ours.
The blog post I linked above gives lots of sociological reasons why it's a bad idea.

I tried to imagine being in a polygamous relationship...I decided that I would want to be the first wife. Actually, that's a lie...I want to be the only wife. I don't want to share my husband with someone else. I don't want to have to worry about power dynamics with other women in my own house. I don't want to sleep alone a few nights a week while he's with wife number 2. I don't want to have to find out a few days later something that happened in his life while he was with wife number 3.

Sure, second wife could watch the kids or third wife could make supper when I've run out of time...but even those two things speak of gender roles that Jon and I don't agree with--they assume that the women take care of the kids and the house while the man earns the money. Maybe an egalitarian approach would be to have a big group marriage with lots of husbands and lots of wives. (no thanks)

Maybe in a few years time we will be considered intolerant and close minded if we aren't willing to accept polygamy as a legitimate alternative lifestyle.


I'll stick to the whole one husband, one wife deal, thanks.