Reflection on the Magnificat

This past Sunday I preached on Mary's Magnificat.  This is a small excerpt of what I said...(I hope it makes sense out of context)...

Mary doesn’t know how things will turn out when she sings her song.  She doesn’t know if changes will come immediately or if they will take time.  And yet she still sings.

In so many ways, the hope that Mary proclaims, even though she proclaims that it has already happened, will not be fully realized in her life.  She will watch as the people in power execute her son.  She will continue to see her people suffer.  She will continue to long for the day when these words of her song will be finally, fully realized. 

And so do we.  

Whether we move towards Christmas with hearts that are full of excitement and joy or whether we move towards Christmas with hearts that are empty and grieving, we do so as people who live in two realities. 

We live in the reality, on the one hand, of recognizing the pain around us—of knowing that things are not as they should be.  Perhaps we live in this reality more so today than we did on Thursday.  Most of us watched in horror on Friday as the events in Connecticut unfolded on the news.  How do we move towards Christmas in a world where 26 people, most of them young children, have just been killed?  How do we move towards celebration knowing that for those families, for that community, Christmas will always be marked with pain from now on?

Today in our house, we are supposed to light the Advent candle of Joy.  We could choose to skip it altogether, knowing that the pain being experienced today in Connecticut is so deep that to talk of joy seems ridiculous.  But we will choose to light it, next to the candles of hope and peace, because in this moment, we need to be reminded of joy—joy that is deeper and more profound because we know what it is to lament.  If ever we needed a light to shine in darkness, it is now.

We live in the reality that people suffer, that things aren’t fair, that oppression is still very real, that loneliness and loss threaten to overcome us.

But we also live in the reality that Mary proclaimed.  That the conception of Jesus changes everything, even if we can’t see it or understand it right now.  That God’s mercy extends far and wide, that he has done and will do great things for us, that he has filled and will fill the hungry with good things.  We live in the reality that God’s kingdom is already here.  That God has already defeated the powers that are contrary to his purposes.  And maybe this sounds trite, and maybe it leaves a whole lot of questions, but clinging to the good news that Mary proclaimed, clinging to the hope that Jesus’ conception and birth changed everything, is the only way I know to keep singing when the world doesn’t make sense.

Sisters and Snow

I've discovered that one of the hardest pictures to get at this phase of life is one with both girls, together, looking at the camera AND smiling...here was a recent attempt...

Neither Looking:

Brynna Looking:

Both Looking, But Not Smiling:

So, I opted to take a few of just Brynna...

And here are a few from a recent walk...

 Brynna got to be snuggled under blankets in the stroller, and slept most of the time...

Laurel discovered icicles...

And she stopped to make a spontaneous snow angel...

Of Late

In December, we celebrated two birthdays in our house.  For Jon's, I made Snickers Cupcakes.  They were pretty much the most amazing cupcakes I've ever made.  Everything was made from scratch (well, that is, except for the Snickers bars), and I added a pinch of coarse salt on top for that salty sweet combo.  Yep.  They were awesome.

We also celebrated Christmas.  Here are a few little shots from Christmas Eve.

 The girls got to open one present...

which was matching owl pajamas! (Kappas in the making?)

And now that we're home, we're plugging away at some projects around the house.  I have submitted one grant and am working on another one (which is taking FOREVER).  And Jon has finally finished a project he started in August:

Isn't it great?  The picture doesn't show it well, but the color is cranberry.  Now we can finally unpack the dishes we inherited that have been sitting in boxes since my parents delivered them in May.  We have also finished tiling the backsplash in the kitchen...now we just need to grout it, and I think our kitchen will finally be done!  With those things out of the way, we are dreaming of other projects...like building a dining room table, shelving units in the basement for storage, dry walling a room in the basement...things like that.  And I'm thinking of goals and projects for 2012: putting together a reading list, making a cleaning schedule, and trying to decide if I should train for a triathlon.  

Advent: Days 10-11

Day 10: Go on a sleigh ride.
This is another reason why I love our neighborhood.  At Christmas time they have a community Christmas party/potluck, complete with sleigh rides through the neighborhood.  We weren't organized enough (extraverted enough?) to go to the potluck, so we just went on the sleigh ride.  Laurel thought it was pretty much amazing.  My personal goal for next year is to know enough of our neighbors that we will feel comfortable going to the potluck portion (I know, I know, that's how we meet our neighbors by going to these things).  I also think that the sleigh ride will become one of our Christmas traditions as long as we live in this neighborhood.

Day 11: Bake cookies with mom.
I got most of the cookie dough ready while Laurel was napping.  She was pretty excited to put on her apron and help.  As per my usual m.o. we were crunched for time, so we had to end our project before I could make icing and let her decorate them.  Maybe that will happen this afternoon.  Maybe.  Maybe not. I was hoping for some really amazing cookies in my life this year...so far I think they're only so/so.  And I now have lots of only so/so dough left in my fridge.

Advent: Days 3-9

Our Advent adventures have continued.  Here's a quick recap:

Day 3: Put up the tree and put the lights on.
Day 4: Decorate the tree.

Day 5: Make a Christmas card for Grammie.

Day 6: St. Nicholas Day!  Open stockings!

Day 7: Open and read a new Christmas book.  (We opened "A Star for Christmas")

Day 8: Make a paper snowflake.  (note for future years: practice first...it's been a while).

Day 9: Mail Christmas cards.  (Laurel and I walked to the post office, and she got to put all of the cards through the mail slot, which she thought was pretty great.)

Day Two: Make Cards for the Cousins

My sister-in-law started a tradition where the cousins all make Christmas cards for each other.

Making Christmas cards with a two year old is a fun (interesting?) adventure.  She definitely had fun using the glue and the stamps.  When we asked Laurel what message she wanted us to write to her cousins, she spouted off random phrases.  I would share them here, but I don't want to ruin it for the recipients of the cards.  I hope that, even though we live miles away from the Boston cousins, our kids will grow up knowing their cousins and having lots of fun when they are together.

Advent Calendar: Day One

Yesterday we did the first activity on our Advent Calendar: Set up the Nativity Scene.

Our Nativity Scene was a wedding gift from our friends, the Claders.  It was made in Mexico (a place where I went a few times with the Claders, and also where Jon and I spent our honeymoon), and depicts the characters in the Nativity Story from that perspective.  The shepherds carry sheep as well as chickens. Everyone's clothes are brightly colored.  And there is no white baby Jesus.  I love it--I think it brings a tiny bit of the world into our living room.

Last night we brought up from the basement the shoebox that it lives in 11 months out of the year.  Jon sat at the table with the box, and handed a figure, wrapped in newspaper, to Laurel.  She then ran to me, in the living room, to unwrap it and help it find its home on our bookshelf.  Back and forth she ran, excited to see what was hidden in each new little bundle of newspaper.  As we put them out, we started to name them: This is Mary, she is Jesus' mom.  This is a shepherd, he takes care of sheep (and chickens).

I was surprised how much Laurel liked this activity.  It was a good reminder that simple things, small things, can become significant things when done with intentionality and in relationship.

Advent Ideas

Believe it or not, I did actually get some good responses and ideas after my last post...it's just that most of them came in the form of emails and conversations (not in the comments section of the blog).

I love what one of my friends does: Starting on Boxing Day her son is given a clue at breakfast each morning to find the wise men as they make their way to the nativity scene.  They are hiding somewhere in the house, and often happen to have a gold (chocolate) coin with them.  On Epiphany they arrive at the nativity scene and the family celebrates by giving their Christmas gifts to each other.

As Jon and I have discussed our ideas, here is what we've come up with so far...
I think we're going to do our stockings on St. Nicholas' Day.  Because we will often be traveling and in someone else's home for Christmas, this is one thing that we can do in our own space, with just our own little family.

I also came across the idea of giving three gifts, like the Magi did.  This year we'll do something to wear (p.j.s on Christmas Eve), something to read, and something to play with.  I think this will help us keep the gift buying/giving under control and allow us to be reminded that Christmas isn't about the material stuff we get.

We talked about also trying to give something that we've created that expresses our love for the other person...perhaps a poem or a song or a piece of art.  We haven't given this the complete thumbs up yet, but I think it would be neat for our girls over the years to experience something like this.

I made an Advent calendar (pictures below).  Clipped to each clothes pin is an activity for us to do that day.  Some are simple crafts (make a paper snowflake), some are experiences (go to Candy Cane Lane to look at the Christmas lights), some are opportunities for us to love our neighbors (pick out a gift from the World Vision Catalogue, take cookies to someone in the neighborhood), and some help us tell the Story of Christmas to the girls (set up the Nativity Scene, go outside and look at the stars and talk about the Wise Men).  I expect the activities will change as the girls get older.

We're also doing devotions together each night.  We're using the Regent College Advent Reader.  Laurel isn't quite ready to sit through a reading like that yet, so I think we might do it after the girls are in bed.  But we'll hopefully find other ways to tell the Story to her in the coming weeks.

To be honest, the real reason I wanted to write this post was to show you this:

Christmas Traditions

I love the season of Advent. I love that we have space to prepare to celebrate Jesus' birth.  I love the quiet space in worship, the candles, the familiar scripture passages that proclaim that in the darkness a light will shine, out of a stump, a shoot will grow.  And I love the cookies and the music and the decorations.

But somehow, Advent seems to get away from me every year.  One minute I'm handing out Halloween candy and the next I'm realizing that it's too late to decorate for Christmas because Christmas is only two days away.  What is meant to be a season of waiting quickly becomes a season of rushing.

I want my girls to grow up with a sense of the rhythm that Advent offers, a sense of waiting, hoping, anticipating.  A sense of light glowing brighter, even as our days grow darker.  A sense of turning our attention away from ourselves and towards God and others.

I've been trying to figure out how to cultivate those things in our family; how to create some family Advent traditions that will slow us down and shift our focus.

I've seen some great Advent calendars to make where each day the kids pull out a card that has an activity for that day written on it.  Most of the activity ideas I've seen are the opposite of where I'd like to go, though.  I am on a mission in the next few weeks to try to come up with a list of activities that will be both fun and meaningful, outward focused and age appropriate.  If you have ideas, please send them my way.

I'd also love to hear your ideas for other family traditions during Advent.  Do you have an Advent wreath and light candles? Do you drive around and look at Christmas lights?   Do you have ways of teaching your kids about generosity rather than consumerism?

The other conundrum I'm facing is the whole Santa/St. Nick thing.  Jon grew up in a family that didn't really do Santa Claus.  I grew up in one that did.  We've talked about the values and drawbacks of both approaches.  Some of you are probably thinking, "How could you ever be so cruel as to consider NOT doing Santa?"  And others might be thinking, "Of course you shouldn't do Santa--it misses the whole point of Christmas."  To both of those responses, I would say: "Yes.  I know."  I don't want to go into all of the reasons on either side of the issue--they all have validity.  (Perhaps one of the biggest for us is wondering if we're comfortable creating a false reality for our kids.)  The real question I have is: how do we create meaningful and fun Christmas traditions for our family that keep our focus on the true meaning of Christmas?  What have you done in your family that you have loved?

And if we don't do Santa, how do we help our kids not ruin it for others (like their classmates or their cousins)?

I welcome your ideas (but not your judgments on whether or not Santa is good or bad).

Halloween Hooplas

This year was Laurel’s first real experience of Halloween, complete with costume, a glow in the dark jack-o-lantern bucket, pumpkin carving, and trick-or-treating.  Her adventure began on Saturday when our neighborhood hosted a tots Halloween party.  I had finally borrowed a costume for her two days earlier, so we were ready.  She made a very cute little bumblebee.  As often happens in our lives these days, though, we showed up for the party about 30 minutes before it ended.  Most everything was winding down and being cleaned up.  I don’t think Laurel noticed.  She didn’t really want to go inside to begin with.  I convinced her to go in, but she didn’t want to make any crafts or stick her hand into any gooey bowls.  She was content to eat a cracker, drink her juice, and watch the little dancing Frankenstein. 

We explained trick-or-treating to her, and her eyes grew wide when we told her that people would give her candy.  You must understand the context.  We don’t give Laurel juice except on special occasions, much less candy.  On the morning of Halloween, I said, “Today is Halloween!  Tonight you get to wear your bumblebee costume again and go knock on people’s doors.  And do you remember what they are going to give you?”

Her eyes again grew wide, and a huge smile of anticipation spread across her face as she exclaimed, “JUICE!” 

I laughed and said, “Well, you might not get juice, but you will get candy!”

“And juice?”

Our household had been busy in the days leading up to Halloween, so it turned out that at 4:00 on Monday afternoon, we still hadn’t carved our pumpkins.  Of course the thought occurred to me that Laurel is two and probably won’t remember if we skipped the whole thing.  But I felt like it was one of those things we should do.  So, we started into the project.  Jon and I quickly realized that this was one of those things we were doing more for us than for her when we kept asking her to stand back so she wouldn’t get hurt and then she eventually wandered off to play, while we tried to finish our carving in time to get supper on the table.  Eventually I called things to a halt so that I could feed Brynna and make supper.

By the time we left for trick-or-treating, we had a pumpkin mess on the kitchen floor, but no jack-o-lanterns on the porch.

(are you still reading this story?)

So…off we go to trick-or-treat.  Here are our two favorite moments from the night:

At one house the woman put a little bag of M&Ms in Laurel’s bucket.  As we were walking away, Laurel stared at those M&Ms and proclaimed (in a very loud voice), “M&Ms…POOP IN THE POTTY!”

A little while later she said she wanted to eat her candy.  We explained that we would wait until we got home.  She then exclaimed that when we got home, she wanted “Two M&Ms.  NO, 5 M&Ms!”  It will probably be the only time in her life that she will think we’re giving her a big treat by letting her eat 5 M&Ms from her Halloween candy stash.

Moments of Grace

Last week was overwhelming. Between lots of things on the calendar, shuffling childcare plans, Brynna's 4 month shots, and getting some hard news, I found myself exhausted. It didn't help that Brynna was opting for the "every two hours feeding plan" some nights. I'd tuck Laurel into bed, snuggle up next to her to read her a story, and find that I had to motivate myself to get up afterwards and not just drift off to sleep.

It's in those moments of being tired and overwhelmed that I am most likely to snap at the girls. I find that packing them up and heading outside is exactly what we all need to keep from going a wee bit crazy.

And so on Friday, that's just what we did. We went for a walk and ended up at our local coffee shop. Laurel and I sat on a bench out front, sharing a gingersnap, sipping our drinks, and watching the cars go by. It was a lovely, damp, overcast day. The fall colors were muted, but beautiful. And I felt my soul fill back up with life. When we made our way to the park, Laurel and I climbed and laughed together, while Brynna slept peacefully in the stroller. It was a moment of grace for me.

This morning was another morning of exploring for us. We headed inside this time, to the Muttart Conservatory. As we were leaving, Laurel said, "Thank you, Mommy." I replied, "Thanks for what?" "Thanks for taking me there." Yep, that's enough to melt my heart.

Other things that are making me smile these days...

We have a tiny (invisible) elephant living with us. I'm always excited to hear what the elephant is doing, because you never know when the elephant (whose name, apparently, is Elephant) will show up next.

At night we've been telling Laurel stories about "Laurel Bear." She's now started calling Jon and me "Daddy Bear" and "Mommy Bear."

And, I have to be honest, one thing that is really making me happy right now is that Laurel seems to be having a breakthrough in potty training. I never knew I would get so excited about one person's ability to poop in the potty.

Oh, and Brynna slept through the night last night. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Brynna!

Projects

Our office/toy room/dumping ground was getting way too unorganized for my liking. We needed a desk, but only had a table. What was I to do with pens and post-it notes and random scraps of paper, not to mention paper clips and stationary and envelopes? A big craft desk with abundant cubbies and drawers would be perfect. But. Not quite in the budget. So, I found a used desk on kijiji and bought it for a whopping $20. An afternoon spent sanding, and two mornings with a paint brush gave me a nice little desk with ample space for my doodads. (Did you know that "doodads" is an actual word?)

Here is a before picture...

And an after picture...

I've also been wanting to make a little sundress for Laurel. Much like the beloved bunny, I was hoping to do this sans pattern. I think it turned out okay...it might be more of a shirt than a dress, though--I'm not sure if it's going to be long enough for her. I am definitely learning as I go.

And speaking of sewing...here is a little apron I made for Laurel for Christmas this past year.

Four Mini-Posts

I've had various blog entries rolling around in my head for the past month, but haven't had space to put words to my thoughts. And now that I have space, I don't seem to have any thoughts! So, here is a series of mini-posts.

1. Of Reconnecting with Good Friends

We spent some time in a cabin in Glacier with our dear friends from Regent for our second annual covenant group gathering. Three of us are women in ministry in the Presbyterian Church. In the mornings, the women would gather on the porch for opening prayer (guided by the Book of Common Prayer), sharing stories from the past year, and praying for each other. The afternoons would find us on adventures with the husbands and kids. In the evenings we would gather around the table for good food and lots of laughter. And then, with the kids in bed, we'd move to the porch for ice cream and banter. It's good to be with people who understand your story, who have been shaped by many of the same ideas and experiences. We arrived before our friends and left after they did. I realized that an empty house filled with expectation feels very different from an empty house filled with goodbyes. It was sad to say goodbye to our friends, knowing it will likely be another year before we see them again. But we are glad for the tradition that will keep us returning to the little cabin in the mountains each summer.

2. Of Camping

We spent three nights camping in Banff with Jon's sister Pam and her family. Many of you think we're crazy for camping with a two year old and a two month old. Maybe we were, but we had a great time. We had lots of help with the wee ones, and I think they slept better in the tent than they do at home! A highlight for Jon was an afternoon spent mountain biking with Pam and Owen. A highlight for me was the opportunity to kayak on Two Jack Lake. A highlight for Laurel was probably when she swallowed a quarter.

3. Of Laurel's Crazy Antics

We are in the midst of potty training Laurel. Just when I think she's starting to get it, the next day will be filled with accidents. (I know, I can hear your advice, "Wait until she's ready.") We've been putting her in pull-ups at night. Last night, we had one pull-up left, so we put her to bed in said pull-up. Jon went out to go swimming and was going to pick some up when he got home. Well, Laurel wasn't too keen on falling asleep, so she was trying all of the usual stall tactics. She had been quiet for a while and then I heard, "Mommy, POOP!" As I was climbing the stairs, I asked her if she needed to go or if she had already gone. She answered that she had already gone. Sure enough. I look in her room to see her holding her pull-up in her hands, and yes, it had the poop in it. I'm still not sure how she managed to get it off without making a mess, but that's neither here nor there. I was then in a bit of a conundrum as to what to do next, since that was, as you'll remember, our last pull-up. I then remembered that we had one diaper left in the diaper bag. I got the diaper on Laurel and she refused to have pajamas on, so I tucked her into bed in just a diaper. When Jon got home, he went upstairs to check on her and came back laughing and shaking his head. "You should go look at your daughter." I peek in her room to find her in bed with pajama bottoms on, and her diaper lying right next to her.

4. Of The Dark Haired Child

Brynna is loud. I think she might end up being our outgoing child. She squawks and squeaks and likes to be where the action is. It doesn't take much to make this little one smile. And, for better or worse, has recently decided that she'd like to suck on that soother after all.

A Smattering

Theology with Laurel

During our vacation, Laurel and I had some good conversations. Here is a snippet.

Laurel: Mommy poop?

Me: Yes, mommy poops.

Laurel: Daddy poop?

Me: Yes, daddy poops.

Laurel: Jesus poop?

Me: Yes, Jesus pooped.*

Laurel: The Bible poop?

Me: No, the Bible doesn't poop.

Laurel: Why?

*I think Laurel was really starting to understand the full humanity of Jesus (fully human, fully God). Notice that I answered in the past tense. I didn't think she was quite ready to grapple with the questions of a resurrected body (questions like: Does Jesus still poop? When we experience the new heaven and the new earth, will we poop? Is poop a result of the fall or part of creation before the fall?). We'll save those conversations until she's at least three.